


beautiful

by RosieClark



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Pangst, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, body confidance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:20:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieClark/pseuds/RosieClark
Summary: “Can I do anything?”Her breath hitches, but she reaches out of her cocoon and grabs his hand. “Just hold me?”She can feel his smile as his grip tightens. “I’m not going anywhere hermosa.”
Relationships: Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> hey ya'll! 
> 
> this isn't my normal type of fic, but i needed an outlet to try and make sense of how i've been feeling recently. body positivity is something thats never come easy to me and seems to get harder with age. i find myself needing to remind myself how ive grown and how my flaws are beauty, even if it doesn't seem like it at times
> 
> but we are all beautiful, wonderful people, and i hope you never forget that!

She knows it's going to be a hard day the moment she wakes up. Something about the heaviness in the air, the dull ache in her bones just lets her know. The sky is a gloomy grey, and she moves her hand to the side out of instinct, disappointed when his side of the bed comes back cold. 

_ Oh right _ , she thinks glumbly, remembering that Lance is away on a three day mission; returning tomorrow. 

Summoning all of her will power, she crawls our of bed, dragging herself to the bathroom to brush her teeth and splash water on her face. She catches sight of her reflection in the mirror and stops, examining her body. 

Flat chest, short legs, pale skin, unruly hair. 

She sighs, resisting the urge to criticize herself further and throws on her clothes for the day.  _ I don’t care _ , she tells herself, an obvious lie but worth a try.  _ I don’t care what people think of me _ . 

She skips breakfast, opting for a large coffee instead and heads out to work. Once she’s in her lab she’ll be able to work in peace. That’ll make her feel better. 

The rest of the morning passes by without incident, but the gloomy cloud on top of Katie’s head only grows. Maybe it’s the weather, or the lack of progress with her current project, but all she wants to do is crawl back under her covers and stay there forever. 

One of the perks of having a private office is that there's no one to disturb her from her work. She’s able to lose herself in her work with no awareness of the outside world at all. 

She grits her teeth as her computer angrily beeps at her, signaling another dead end. 

“Quiznack!” she shouts, slamming her fist into her desk, rattling her tools. Hours upon hours of work and she still can’t get a breakthrough. 

At 3:00, her phone pings with a message from Keith. 

_ Meeting in 5. Don't be late. _

_ Quizanck _ . She had completely forgotten. She jumps off of her stool and books it for the meeting room, stopping outside to compose herself slightly. 

“Katie heavens!” Allura calls out, meeting her in front of the doors. “What are you wearing?” 

She looks down at herself; sweats and a long sleeve tee shirt that has seen better days, then at Allura; a well pressed skirt and blouse. Her face flushes in embarrassment. “What's the occasion?” 

“Meeting with Commander Bridges.” 

Katie mentally slaps herself for being so stupid. “Sorry, I forgot about the meeting.” Commander Bridges, one of the more strict members of the Garrison, demands perfection  _ always _ . Katie feels like crying inside, the very thought of disappointing someone as high ranking as Bridges making her queasy. “I guess this will have to do,” she says, surprising herself at how nonchalant she sounds. “Besides, where I come from sweatpants are always in style.” Katie smiles, hoping it doesn’t look fake, but Allura seems to buy it, laughing. 

“Of course Katie, you look brilliant in anything.”  _ Lie _ . “I suppose Commander Whats-his-name will have to suck it up for once in his life.” 

Katie chuckles as she follows her friend into the meeting room, trying--but failing--to ignore the  _ disgusted  _ look from the Commander. She tugs at the sleeve of her shirt as they take their seats next to Keith, not letting it get to her. She wouldn’t let him faze her. 

Commander Bridges begins to drone on, but Katie finds herself only half listening. Her gaze flicks to Allura, and she can’t help but notice how flawless the Altean is. Perfect skin, long legs, curves Katie can only dream of having. Her brain brings up the image of herself in the mirror, comparing it with the literal princess in front of her. 

It was like night and day. A princess and a piece of dirt. Her eyes sting with tears, but she wills them not to fall. She will not be weak. 

The men in the room all had their gazes fixed on the white haired beauty before them, none of them sparing Katie a second glance. Not that she wants their attention--she has a boyfriend after all--but still… 

She watches Allura laugh politely at something the commander says, her perfect white teeth lightening up the room. Her gaze flicks to everyone watching Allura, always laughing with her and not  _ at _ her. 

It was too much. 

“I just remembered I have to check on a process,” she jumps up a little too quickly, earning a worried glance from Keith. “I’ll be right back.” Katie dashes out of the room, to the safety of her lab where she slides to the floor, clutching her head in her hands. 

She will never look like Allura; she came to terms with that years ago. Yet some part of her still wishes she hadn’t been made so undesirable. Why was she so ugly? Her chest tightens and she swallows her tears, her breathing speeding up. 

“Katie?” The door to her office hisses open, and she hears footsteps running to her. “Katie  _ breath _ .” 

“I can’t breath,” she gasps out, clutching at her chest. “I can’t breath and everything is suffocating me and I can’t stop it. Everything is going wrong and there's nothing I can do.” 

Keith’s hands were on her shoulders, steadying her. “I know it’s hard, but you need to try Katie. Breath with me.” He inhales and she tries her best to follow but it comes out choppy which only adds to her frustration. 

She shakes her head. “I can’t.” 

“Yes you can.” His voice is firm, as it was when he was their leader and they were fighting the Galra. “In, and out.” 

Katie tries again, this time managing to take a full breath. Each one after becomes easier and easier until she's slumped against the wall, covered in sweat, and exhausted but calm. 

“Are you okay?” Keith asks hesitantly, his hands still on her shoulders. “Should I call Lance?” 

She shakes her head. “I’m fine. Don’t call him. I don’t want him coming home early.” 

Her friend looks skeptical, but eventually agrees, helping her to her feet. “Go home,” he says softly. “Get some rest.” 

For once she is in no mood to argue, grabbing her purse from the bench and walking with Keith to the door. He stops her, concern in his eyes. 

“Are you okay to drive?” 

She nods, trying for a smile. “Yeah, thanks. It’s only five minutes away.” 

“Okay,” he looks her over once more as if to assure himself she’s okay. “Just shoot me a text when you get home yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Hey,” Keith grabs her wrist. “I don’t know what's happening but it's going to get better.” 

“Thanks,” she really was thankful. “I hope so.” 

  
*  
  
  


By the time she gets home, lets Keith know she’s made it in one piece and showered, the exhaustion has set in, every step forward harder than the last. She hauls herself into bed, taking comfort in the heaviness of the blankets. The light fades into darkness, but still sleep does not come. Instead, the sound of keys in the door, then footsteps approaching the bedroom alert her to his presence. 

“Hey,” his voice is soft. 

She makes no response except for tugging the blanket up higher so it covers her chin. Her eyes are heavy with unshed tears but she wills them away. 

The bed dips as Lance lies next to her, gently taking hold of her, blankets and all. His chin rests on the top of her head, his arms wrapped fiercely around her waist, pulling her close to him. “Keith called me.” 

_ Of course he did _ . Katie knows she shouldn’t be mad at her friend, he only did what he thought was best, but the betrayal stung regardless. 

“Can I do anything?” 

Her breath hitches, but she reaches out of her cocoon and grabs his hand. “Just hold me?” 

She can feel his smile as his grip tightens. “I’m not going anywhere  _ hermosa. _ ” 

_ Hermosa.  _ She feels it in her gut, a growing tension demanding to be released. She hasn’t learned much Spanish, but she knows that word,  _ hermosa _ . Beautiful. It means beautiful. Her bottom lip begins to tremble. 

And there, safe in Lance's embrace, Katie finally lets herself cry. The dam of tears that's been building up throughout the day crumbles to pieces as a sob wretches its way out of her throat. 

Gently, Lance turns her so she’s facing him, and she buries her face in his chest, the fabric of his sweatshirt muffling her cries. 

“It’s okay  _ hermosa _ ,” he soothes as she cries harder, her fingers grasping his shirt. “It’s okay.” 

She's gasping for air as the tears continue to flow, her own breath choking her but he is there through it all, rubbing small circles on her back, whispering encouragement into the darkness. Her chest feels lighter with every sob, and soon there are no tears left and she is reduced to small whimpers, her breathing still uneven. 

Lance kisses the top of her head as she finally calms down. She’s grateful for the silence, that he doesn’t ask any questions. Tomorrow they’ll talk. Tonight, they’ll stay like this, holding each other. 

Her eyelids are drooping, but she forces one last coherent thought into her brain. 

_ I am beautiful _ . 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
